• Question: So my question is keeping with the slightly darker theme- but as far as thought exercises go, it's probably important to (occasionally) explore the dark spaces. Learning from past experiences and all that jazz.

    Also, if it's too grustno or personal, there's no obligation to answer- or you can choose something else.
    The question!: What is the most frightening moment/day/week/second you've experienced in your life- and what made it so scary? OOoo I just decided that I like this question!

    Love you, take your time- but not as much time as I took to write the question!! (I want to hear from you!) - charbar
  • Answer:

    So I woke up, read your question, and knew exactly how to answer. I think that’s a good sign, so I’m not going to take my time at all. I like this question too!

    So my scariest moment was when I crashed my car into a tree. This is definitely a cliché of some sort, and I wish I had a more original terrifying moment (do I really?)…

    You see, I was driving to a final exam on the last day of class (it was midafternoon, no one was on the roads) and I wasn’t talking on my phone or messing with the music or distracted at all. Everything was normal. I got to the end of my street, checked for traffic, turned right, and a split second later I was flying through the air, somehow both paralyzed and hitting the brakes for dear life. I was so powerless, although it had to be my fault - I was driving.

    Before I hit the tree so many things were running through my head: “Why did this happen?” “Am I going to die?” “What if I don’t die but I’m late for my exam?” I was scared for my life, of course, and I think that my sense of powerlessness really took over in that moment.

    Slam. I hit the tree. The airbags didn’t even deploy, but I didn’t notice. I left the engine running and the music playing (of Montreal’s “Suffer for Fashion,” I’ll never forget that silly song.) and ran home, less than a block away. I called my mom and incoherently tried to explain what had happened, but she told me later that she hadn’t understood the severity of the damage to the car, so she told me, “just drive it to school, we’ll come pick it up and take it to the shop.”

    Then came another terrible moment in my life; I had to walk back to the car, survey the damage, turn off the music and drive to school. I did, the whole time scowling at other drivers for even taking a look at my poor, mangled car. I got to school and I specifically remember telling my friends, “I ran my fucking car into a fucking tree.” (It was a very profane period for me.)

    Then I took an algebra exam. (And did really well, I’ll admit. It was a very easy class.) It felt like my heart was going to explode, I was so sweaty and jittery.

    The car, it turns out, was totaled. I didn’t drive for a while after that, and every time I see that poor mangled tree I think about the crash. (And I see it kind of a lot, because it’s on the way out of my neighborhood.)

    The worst part about that moment was that I was completely alone. I didn’t have anyone to react along with me, to tell me to chill out or to freak out more than me so I could be the composed one (my sister often plays that particular role.) It was just me, and I was so scared and guilty and embarrassed. But the last two came later. In the moment, flying through the air toward what could have been the end of my life, I had absolutely no idea what the future held, if there even was a future, and I had no idea how to get out of the situation. I was powerless, I had to let things happen how they were going to happen. In some ways that was even more terrifying than the thought of death.