Urghle.

• Question: what is the thing that has most surprised you about moscow? it could be a misconception that you had previous to arriving, or maybe a stereotype that you found to be surprisingly true (or false), it could be something about yourself and reactions or the people you've met or your friends there or anything. you can also tell me two surprises/revelations, if there is more than one that feels really relevant.
  i am so curious!!
  i miss you!
  
  that is all. - charbar
• Answer:

  Sorry about taking so long to answer, there’s something about this place that’s so exhausting and busy that I feel like I can’t even force myself to do the things I need and want to do… I read an email and react to it, then don’t get around to responding for weeks. I just want to be able to wordlessly express, “Hey, I got your email, thanks for thinking of me, my attention span has been reduced to the size of a grape quickly shriveling into a raisin, FORGIVE ME and Russian grammar has affected my sentence structuressssss.”

  So that. But I have been thinking about your question. What has most surprised me about Moscow? I was surprised by my own naïveté, my own expectations. I realized when I got here that I’m kind of like that Finnish guy in “Peculiarities of the National Hunt,” the one who dreams of seeing a “real Russian hunt.” I wanted to find
  out that “the real Russia” was magical tsars building ships with their bare hands and women who look like matrioshka dolls. Or at least that I would feel as confident and secure and carefree as I did while I was at Middlebury. Instead I got tourist traps, short skirts, and babushki. (I’m going to have to get back to that point.) I realized just how romanticized my view of Russia was, and how little I knew about it на самом деле.

  I realize that this has more to do with growing up and becoming an adult than it has to do with Moscow itself. But still, I’m here, this is what I’m experiencing, and Moscow is a factor.

  Also, I’d never lived in a big city before. Moscow, with 15 million, is 1,000 times bigger than my hometown of Oxford, Mississippi. My university has 30,000 students. 9 million people use the Moscow metro daily. That’s 9 million people refusing to make eye contact with each other across the crowded train, every day. So what about Moscow surprises me that isn’t related to growing pains, or the problems of big cities?

  1. the dirt. It’s so dirty here! The first month I was so paranoid about how just walking around made my hair feel gross and dirty that I wrapped it up in a scarf any time I was in the street, like an Orthodox lady. The sidewalks are slanty and pockmarked, I feel like I have to watch the ground while walking or face twisting an ankle.

  2. the human element. I’ll try to explain this, but it’s a pretty murky concept from the depths of my brain, so here goes: Unlike in America, where we have perfect, machine-made workmanship surrounding us all the time, in Russia the government just hires workmen to paint curbs and therefore you can see the brushstrokes on the green-and-yellow manhole cover or the slightly crooked lines on the subway floors. It’s amazing how jarring normal human error is to me, I guess, but I was really struck by this practice.

  3. the metro. I have no complaints, even though I sometimes have to perehod a lot of stations, that just means I’m walking, which is healthy, right? I love being able to get anywhere I need to go with my own two feet and an unlimited metro pass (I bought the 90-day, expensive but so so worth it.)

  4. How there are gardens everywhere, but somehow it’s still grey. Moscow has the greatest area of green space per person for a large city, but it still feels grey and dry and sparse. I see trees in parks, but I think they should also be seen lining the streets.

  5. the statues, the commitment to culture. Russians may have forgotten who some of their Soviet leaders were, but by god they have a statue for each and every one.

  6. Finally, I’m surprised by how violently my attitude toward it shifts. Today I hate it just a little bit, but maybe already by tomorrow we’ll be in love again.

  Another thing that I’ve learned (and this is more about life in general than maybe Moscow in particular) is that freedom, to me, isn’t just about having a lot of opportunities, but really it relies on my ability to feel secure and comfortable in a situation. Moscow is absolutely brimming with opportunities and possibilities and life, but I honestly feel a lot more free when I’m at home, where I can borrow a car and go on a late night drive out to the country if I need to, or at college, where I can stay up as late as I want to and walk
  around securely late at night. Moscow doesn’t feel safe or comfortable to me, so I don’t feel as free, despite the variety of opportunities that surround me every day in this crazy, amazing, beautiful and most of all единственный city.

• Question: ok so i've kind of been considering and rewording this question for the past few days, but here it is. it's a little similar to the last one but with a bit of a twist:
  you have been given the chance to go back in history to ANY point, and whisper a single phrase to any historical figure. any bit of information you choose.
  ok here are the rules:
  -it cannot be a direct command
  -this person will take you deadly seriously
  -there will be no weird random butterfly effect stuff (like, if you tell napoleon "russian winters are HELLA cold" and he doesn't invade, it doesn't mean that somehow your great great grandfather will be chucked out of existence and therefore you will cease to exist. unless your great great grandpa was somehow DIRECTLY involved...)
  
  if any of the rules are too restrictive/prevent you from some fantastic answer that popped into your head, by all means drop one.
  happy answering!!! - charbar
• Answer:

  Excellent question, by the way, I’ve been thinking about how to answer it for the past few weeks and every time I would get close to an answer my brain would explode with the limitless possibilities; would I want to tell my past self something? (Yes, of course, hundreds of things.) Is there some historical figure that I could really affect with a well-chosen phrase? Would the effects be too great? Too insignificant?

  There’s a lot of history to contend with while considering this question. It’s funny, because my head is always swimming with random historical facts (Especially this semester - 9 credits of history, 3 credits of art history? I barely have a chance.) and cause and effect is a big part of how I see history fit together. I wanted to talk to someone who could benefit from one single phrase, who would be able to make a major change from that, so I picked Martin Luther King, Jr.

  I would go back in time to just before he was assassinated and say to him, “Your legacy is not complete; right now your security means more to America than you think.” 

  Hopefully, in taking me deadly seriously, he would take more precautions for his own safety, thwarting the Memphis assassination attempt. Then, he would be able to continue his vocal work protesting the Vietnam War, and he would continue to work for equality of civil rights in America. 

  I say this because I don’t think his work was complete, and we would have benefited from his later work. I hate that we’ve taken his legacy and denatured it into something so broad that organizations like the tea party can appropriate his image for their own uses. If MLK Jr. had lived and become more radical, he would have alienated a large number of people, yes, but his early work would still be undeniably influential, and his later work would protect his earlier work from being subverted into something entirely different than he intended. 

  So there you have it; I would keep MLK Jr. alive - and radical.

• Question: So my question is keeping with the slightly darker theme- but as far as thought exercises go, it's probably important to (occasionally) explore the dark spaces. Learning from past experiences and all that jazz.
  
  Also, if it's too grustno or personal, there's no obligation to answer- or you can choose something else.
  The question!: What is the most frightening moment/day/week/second you've experienced in your life- and what made it so scary? OOoo I just decided that I like this question!
  
  Love you, take your time- but not as much time as I took to write the question!! (I want to hear from you!) - charbar
• Answer:

  So I woke up, read your question, and knew exactly how to answer. I think that’s a good sign, so I’m not going to take my time at all. I like this question too!

  So my scariest moment was when I crashed my car into a tree. This is definitely a cliché of some sort, and I wish I had a more original terrifying moment (do I really?)…

  You see, I was driving to a final exam on the last day of class (it was midafternoon, no one was on the roads) and I wasn’t talking on my phone or messing with the music or distracted at all. Everything was normal. I got to the end of my street, checked for traffic, turned right, and a split second later I was flying through the air, somehow both paralyzed and hitting the brakes for dear life. I was so powerless, although it had to be my fault - I was driving.

  Before I hit the tree so many things were running through my head: “Why did this happen?” “Am I going to die?” “What if I don’t die but I’m late for my exam?” I was scared for my life, of course, and I think that my sense of powerlessness really took over in that moment.

  Slam. I hit the tree. The airbags didn’t even deploy, but I didn’t notice. I left the engine running and the music playing (of Montreal’s “Suffer for Fashion,” I’ll never forget that silly song.) and ran home, less than a block away. I called my mom and incoherently tried to explain what had happened, but she told me later that she hadn’t understood the severity of the damage to the car, so she told me, “just drive it to school, we’ll come pick it up and take it to the shop.”

  Then came another terrible moment in my life; I had to walk back to the car, survey the damage, turn off the music and drive to school. I did, the whole time scowling at other drivers for even taking a look at my poor, mangled car. I got to school and I specifically remember telling my friends, “I ran my fucking car into a fucking tree.” (It was a very profane period for me.)

  Then I took an algebra exam. (And did really well, I’ll admit. It was a very easy class.) It felt like my heart was going to explode, I was so sweaty and jittery.

  The car, it turns out, was totaled. I didn’t drive for a while after that, and every time I see that poor mangled tree I think about the crash. (And I see it kind of a lot, because it’s on the way out of my neighborhood.)

  The worst part about that moment was that I was completely alone. I didn’t have anyone to react along with me, to tell me to chill out or to freak out more than me so I could be the composed one (my sister often plays that particular role.) It was just me, and I was so scared and guilty and embarrassed. But the last two came later. In the moment, flying through the air toward what could have been the end of my life, I had absolutely no idea what the future held, if there even was a future, and I had no idea how to get out of the situation. I was powerless, I had to let things happen how they were going to happen. In some ways that was even more terrifying than the thought of death.

• Question: I have a friend who has a theory that everyone has a particular decade in their life that is their "golden decade." It's the decade in which you thrive, and the decade that your personality is best suited for. For example, she said that she thought hers would be in her 30's- which I can see. She's going to be really stylish, a little older and mature and past her crazy 20's, and I think it will work really well for her personality. She thinks my best decade will be my 50's...which I can kind of see, but can't exactly verbalize why right now. I think I'd be a pretty badass 50 year old.
  
  So what, my dear Lydia, is YOUR golden decade?
  
  p.s. I LOVE the website with the African kings!! WISE choice! - charbar
• Answer:

  Dear God, Charlotte, what happened today? I know you’re ok but still, you’ve got to be shaken up from this morning. Be careful, ok? I need you to be my Moscow buddy when I get there this summer.

  So, believe it or not, I’ve been thinking about your question for a while, because it kind of hits all of my insecurities at once; I’ve recently become a little bit terrified of aging, but I’ve always been a little bit uncomfortable in the trappings of youth. (People used to call me “mature” all the time, but what does that mean when applied to a 5th grader?)

  I agree about the 50s for you, because you’ll be, hm, super super badass? Not that you aren’t now, but you’ll (hopefully) have a shock of salt-and-pepper hair, which will be ridiculously sassy. (Plus experience and stuff, but the hair’s the most important part, no?)

  In answer to your question, I like the idea of the 30s – it’s always seemed like the time when you’ve decided to either follow your kids around and settle into family life or have your life for yourself to do the things you really absolutely want to do, like travel the world and read voraciously and such. In your 20s you’ve become “you,” but you can still be completely unsure of what you want to do with your life. By your 40s you’ve likely settled down and by the 50s you’re a kickass lady. In your 30s, you’re still choosing, but it’s somehow not as scary as it used to be. In short, I think I’ll be at my best when I’m neither completely insecure nor completely secure.

• Question: ok. so some sort of pinky-and-the-brain style evil genius has decided to blow up every country in the world, except for three. it is your choice which three countries will survive. which three would you choose?
  
  note: in order to get rid of some of the humanitarian concerns, lets say that the people in these countries will survive and perhaps be transported to another planet...or something. consider a world where only 3 countries- along with their culture, wildlife, food, natural resources, population- are intact. WHO WILL YOU SAVE? - charbar
• Answer:

  Haha wow, I love this question! At first I was like, America! Russia! Doesn’t matter! but I realized that I had no idea why I would save those two countries… just because they’re connected to me somehow? Selfish. Besides, I have three countries to save from this shockingly benign evil genius.

  I decided to pick small nations, the ones that I think deserve the chance to operate without the pressures of all those superpowers breathing down their throats. Like Slovenia. I think Slovenia is adorable for two very arbitrary reasons: 1. one of my best friends in high school was Slovenian/Jamaican and went there every once in a while to visit, and she’d always come back and talk about how cool the “mountain men” who lived there are. 2. Tomas Salamun, this ridiculous poet. I love him, I love that he came to BYU and said the word “shit,” and I love his sexy old guy voice. Slovenia.

  For the second country I decided to pick an African country, but unfortunately I don’t know much about Africa. South Africa can go to another planet, as long as Nelson moves to Slovenia very soon. Uganda could also use a change of scenery. I like Liberia in theory but not in practice. So I picked based on this: http://creativeroots.org/?p=2155

  Yes, that’s right, I picked which African country to save based on whose king had the coolest portrait. Frankly, they’re all fantastic. Love that Cameroon has like 5, but…

  I’ve decided to save South Africa. They’re doing better with the whole race relations thing, right? And look! The king of the Zulus has a lion in his picture. 

  Final country - Ideally, this would be a magical Russia-US hybrid where everyone lived in harmony. BUT, as that is a completely ridiculous idea, I have decided to save… New Zealand. It’s pretty and they’ve got both the Flight of the Conchords and Lord of the Rings. What more could a three country globe ask for?

  So there you have it - Slovenia, South Africa, and New Zealand. I think we could all get along.

explodingdog:

one more year

• Question: what is your most favorite item of clothing of ALL TIME that you have owned?
  what is your least favorite?
  (DOUBLE QUESTION!!) - charbar
• Answer:

  Alright, my favorite is this super thin, super cheap green plaid coat with elbow length sleeves. It’s adorable, but I can only wear it when the weather is chilly but not wintry. This year, the weather went from tshirt wearing to snow in a blink, so I didn’t get to wear it as much as I did last year, the year of perpetual fall. But I did wear it last night, and I remembered how it makes me feel kind of sophisticated in a silly way as I prance around with my hands shoved in its pockets. Plus I get to wear it with my all time favorite accessory, an orange scarf with a cute little bird on the end.

  Least favorite item of clothing? Hm. Excluding all the terrible jeans that I’ve bought over the years, I think this would have to be this truly rancid floral dress that I wore all the time in elementary school - it was so Elaine Benes! I wore it over jeans and it was a bad look, one of the worst of the 90s, in my opinion. 

I don’t understand all of this, but I like to listen to it. Ммм поэзия!

• Question: if you could conjure one object out of thin air, right now, and keep it with you for 20 minutes- what would it be?
  (could be a textbook upstairs, наша анна in Petersburg, or the declaration of independence or anything) - charbar
• Answer:

  Наш круг - that’s more than one object, right? I’ll have to come up with another idea, then. 

  If I could conjure any one object out of thin air, I think it would be, and this will sound stupid, my nail clippers. I lost them about a month ago and haven’t bought new ones, so my nails are running wild! I occasionally have to tear them off and file them down. It’s a very strange situation, as I’m one of those people who’s always looking at her nails and fiddling with them. As I can’t bite them anymore (orthodonture left me with a very ineffective nail-gripping bite) I need to mess with them. And they’re super long right now… 

  Anyway if I could space out the 20 minutes over a couple months I wouldn’t have to buy new ones for a while, so … that’s a terrible answer.

  Here’s a better one - I’m angling to get a guitar for Christmas, so I’d want to have a very short term guitar rental (20 minutes would do) to get my hands on one and start to figure out how they work. Then I would, inevitably, become some sort of guitar prodigy, join a rock band and tour russia for the rest of my life. I know how these things work. 

• Question: Ok first of all this is exactly what we do in our messages!! (i'll respond today for sure, finally have a chance to breathe)
  anyway:
  what do YOU think is the absolute best thing you can buy for $5? - charbar
• Answer:

  I love this! tumblr is way prettier than Facebook!

  Ok, so if I was in high school and still had a car, I would definitely tell you that the best thing to purchase for $5 is a junior bacon cheeseburger, dr. pepper and fries from Wendys, to be eaten, dangerously, in the car on the way to swim practice. Yum. Seriously, our Wendy’s made the best jbc’s. Just saying.

  But now I think the best possible thing to buy with $5 is some super discounted book at a garage sale or end of year sale or something. Because those crazy blow-out sales have the weirdest stuff. And I’m such a sucker for weird books that I might not ever read. I like to buy them in bulk and discover them down the road, after they’ve been sitting on my shelf attracting dust and casual questions from visitors. When I finally open one up it’s like a time machine transports me to the moment I bought it, when it was balanced between two or three other strange titles and rushed home in a plastic “BYU Bookstore” bag. 

  Some books I’ve bought in this way, all under $5 - a biography of Fellini, a book of famous speeches, an illustrated map of Petersburg, more than one book of “wacky words” that tickle my pretentious bone, and lots and lots of poetry, which can be had for almost nothing at times. Beautiful.

  I’m not sure, but I think I need to ask your question in a separate message… so watch out!